Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Handle Bad Situations with Psychology - The Stalker

Many women experienced bad situations at one or other stage of their lives, whether it's a boss harassing them at  the workplace, a stranger stalking them or an ex refusing to let go. Whatever the case, it's usually creating fear. And that's exactly what the stalker needs to feel in control: fear.

The bad news is legally there isn't much one can do to stop a stalker. If you try to report him at the police they will ask you if you have evidence, which in most cases you won't have because a stalker can make your life a living hell without getting near you. He can follow you, which is not against the law. He can make calls from a phone booth and there's no tracing him. He can leave dead animals on your lawn and, unless there was an eye witness, there's no way you can proof it was him.

The good news is, in many cases you can beat him at his own game. Climb in his head for a while. He feels humiliated, betrayed and angry because of the rejection. He hates you for treating him like a pest and making him feel inadequate and undesired. He wants to take revenge and make you pay for the humiliation, and the only way he can do it is by stalking you and feeding off the knowledge that you live in fear for him.

So, whether it's a stranger or a co-worker, give him what he want. Kindness, respect and friendliness. If you see his car behind you, don't start racing  to get away from him. Or if you notice him somewhere while unlocking your door, don't try to ignore him or hurry to get inside. In both cases, look straight at him and wave at him, smiling as friendly as you can.

The ideal situation is not to let a stalker know you are aware of the fact that he's stalking you, because if you act as if nothing's wrong you are taking the power away from him, especially if you're treating him nicely. If you bump into him on the street or in a shop, or he's forcing himself onto you at work, be friendly, ask how he is en then start a conversation with him. Tell him all about your problems, and do in boring detail. Don't give him the opportunity to participate. Just chat on and on and on. There's no greater passion killer than a woman talking non-stop about household chores, cute children and cuter pets. Do this every time he comes near you and I'll guarantee you won't have to wait long before he will flee every time he catches sight of you!

If your stalker is your boss, you can use other tactics like eating lots of garlic upfront and make sure he gets a whiff of your breathe when you are near him. Another tactic that will work is to stop shaving your armpits and not using antiperspirant. Hairy armpits with a sweaty smell will kill most would-be lovers' passion just there and then!

Now, lets assume it's your ex who's refusing to let go. You can turn the tables around by pretending that you are considering a reconciliation. Tell him you'd  never thought you'd missed him so much. And then YOU become the stalker. Call him hundred times a day, especially at work or in the early morning hours when he's sound asleep. And pretend to be very suspicious. Ask him if there's another woman with him. Accuse him of lying to you, saying you'd heard a woman's voice in the background. Follow him when possible, pretending to be discrete, but doing it so amateurishly that he sees you. Search through his pockets for 'evidence' that he's 'cheating' on you, read all the messages on his cell phone, ask about every number on it. Sooner of later you're going to drive him nuts and that will be the end of his 'love' for you.

To sum up, instead of becoming a victim, take control of the situation by offering the stalker a much less attractive and overly eager 'prey' and thus denying him the pleasure of scaring the hell out of you!

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